to ask or not to askTo ask or not to ask, that is the question.

When my son was in High School, my suspicions that he might be gay grew in intensity. Should I ask him? I remember contemplating that and deciding not to, I thought, because I didn’t want to put any ideas in his head. Seems ludicrous today.

The truth is I didn’t want to know. I didn’t want him to be gay. That was 30 years ago and I’m so far from that, it’s rather remarkable.

Parents in my private Facebook group often ask that same question. Should I ask?

There are different thoughts on this and I can only share mine. My thoughts are not to ask. Our LGBTQ children are figuring things out and I believe they will come out when they are ready. If we ask, we may be inviting them to lie to us because they aren’t ready to come out yet.

Why do we feel so compelled to ask? If it not our issue, not theirs? What difference will it make if we have a definitive answer?

I think it’s more important to let our kids know in other ways that we love and accept them just as they are. Find ways to let them know of your support for the LGBTQ community as a whole. Talk about stories in the news and your views. Attend Pride events, with or without them. Introduce them to your LGBTQ friends, if you have any.

Ultimately, the decision to ask or not to ask is up to each individual parent. You know your child better than anyone. You know in your heart whether to ask or not to ask. Listen to that.

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